walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
