I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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