WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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