AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
