when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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