One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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