Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize