Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
