Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
