if you like me you must not know who I am
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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