I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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