Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
