It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
