talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
