census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
