They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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