he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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