I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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