Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
