Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He did a backflip because drugs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
