There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
