i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
