I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
