my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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