i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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