Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize