someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I stole a fireplace last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
