It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
