You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
