I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize