Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
