hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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