It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
