Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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