just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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