Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
