life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
True college students do jello shots in the library
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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