Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
