Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
