In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
