Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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