I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
