I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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