Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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