Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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