I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
