Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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