Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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