I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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