I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
