i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
