woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
