...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
