PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
