I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
