some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
