Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
