so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
