You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This is my gift to your gina
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
