We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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