I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so that wasnt chicken after all
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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