On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
