The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
